What is wrong with me, or the people around me?
Why cant we understand each other, whatever I say, gets twisted?
Maybe I should ask for a refund of my school fees...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Nostalgia
I watched one of my favorite movies last night and it brought back so many memories.
I was crazy about a certain person! He made me feel like a million bucks, I have never, till today met anyone who could put me in my place like he could and did. He is the only person to date that could shut me up with words, he would say things like "you don’t hate men, you are someone’s daughter"...and leave me gapping for words.
I met him at work a year after my husband and I split up, my husband’s infidelity was the course of our marriage's demise. Like any divorcee out there will tell you, that is a time a person/woman are at their most vulnerable. Your self esteem are at its lowest it can ever get, you are full of anger and hatred towards all species, male because of the ex, females because they behave like sluts. I mean, you came into my home, saw me pregnant and with two other little ones, and you still flirt with my husband? WTF....
Anyway, back to my nostalgia, I met him just at the right time...
He was definitely a God sent.
He was my verbal punch bag, on the receiving end of my hatred towards men. But could equally hold his own and cut me down to size. He was my therapist, my confidant, my inspiration, my table tennis partner, a good friend. He was definitely an emotional lover. Without my realisation, he built up my confidence and made me realise that I , ME as a person can do anything I wanted, he reminded me that everybody had to start at the beginning at sometime. I got scared and removed myself from the scene by taking a transfer to another branch.
Just to bump straight into him a year later, at the medical centre of all places . He was coming out of the elevator and I was going in.... we started communicating again and I fell head over heels for this guy, ironically, it was my ex that alerted me to that fact.
He told me on the phone that he went to see this movie, it just came out, my response was...I really want to see it, he suggested that we meet and go together. I was tempted, scared because I never went out with a guy at night, and declined. I saw it later by myself and was glad I didnt see it with him.
We had a lunch date on Saturday, (Easter weekend)he made steak, and me of course, asked for more salt. We had another meal , this was too oily, was my comment, and the last meal which was our 3rd meal together was perfect.
I wanted more and more of him, just being with him was such a feeling of contentment, it felt like coming home, it’s hard to describe. We would sit quietly without talking and just be, the tv would be on, no one was watching. And then he kissed me! what a kiss, I had my arms up, next to my shoulders, not knowing how to react!
I did enjoy it !!! While I enjoyed the kissing, I wish we didn’t cross that line!
How I wish we didn’t cross that line!
I felt like I lost my best friend because of a KISS!
The price was too high! I mean, if I have to pay such a high price, I may as well have had a romp in the hay!!!
This was all in a weekend, one magical weekend...
The movie last night reminded me of him and our time together!
What if.........it didn’t last for just a weekend, would it have been this special?
It took me 4 years to get over this guy! If I see him today, how would I feel?
Well SIA, where ever you are my friend, I wish you Happiness & Contentment like I experienced in your company!!!
I was crazy about a certain person! He made me feel like a million bucks, I have never, till today met anyone who could put me in my place like he could and did. He is the only person to date that could shut me up with words, he would say things like "you don’t hate men, you are someone’s daughter"...and leave me gapping for words.
I met him at work a year after my husband and I split up, my husband’s infidelity was the course of our marriage's demise. Like any divorcee out there will tell you, that is a time a person/woman are at their most vulnerable. Your self esteem are at its lowest it can ever get, you are full of anger and hatred towards all species, male because of the ex, females because they behave like sluts. I mean, you came into my home, saw me pregnant and with two other little ones, and you still flirt with my husband? WTF....
Anyway, back to my nostalgia, I met him just at the right time...
He was definitely a God sent.
He was my verbal punch bag, on the receiving end of my hatred towards men. But could equally hold his own and cut me down to size. He was my therapist, my confidant, my inspiration, my table tennis partner, a good friend. He was definitely an emotional lover. Without my realisation, he built up my confidence and made me realise that I , ME as a person can do anything I wanted, he reminded me that everybody had to start at the beginning at sometime. I got scared and removed myself from the scene by taking a transfer to another branch.
Just to bump straight into him a year later, at the medical centre of all places . He was coming out of the elevator and I was going in.... we started communicating again and I fell head over heels for this guy, ironically, it was my ex that alerted me to that fact.
He told me on the phone that he went to see this movie, it just came out, my response was...I really want to see it, he suggested that we meet and go together. I was tempted, scared because I never went out with a guy at night, and declined. I saw it later by myself and was glad I didnt see it with him.
We had a lunch date on Saturday, (Easter weekend)he made steak, and me of course, asked for more salt. We had another meal , this was too oily, was my comment, and the last meal which was our 3rd meal together was perfect.
I wanted more and more of him, just being with him was such a feeling of contentment, it felt like coming home, it’s hard to describe. We would sit quietly without talking and just be, the tv would be on, no one was watching. And then he kissed me! what a kiss, I had my arms up, next to my shoulders, not knowing how to react!
I did enjoy it !!! While I enjoyed the kissing, I wish we didn’t cross that line!
How I wish we didn’t cross that line!
I felt like I lost my best friend because of a KISS!
The price was too high! I mean, if I have to pay such a high price, I may as well have had a romp in the hay!!!
This was all in a weekend, one magical weekend...
The movie last night reminded me of him and our time together!
What if.........it didn’t last for just a weekend, would it have been this special?
It took me 4 years to get over this guy! If I see him today, how would I feel?
Well SIA, where ever you are my friend, I wish you Happiness & Contentment like I experienced in your company!!!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
People
People....Mankind….Humans
Before you are anything, you are a person...
Life starts out as:
Baby girl/boy!
Daughter/ Son
Girlfriend/ Boyfriend
Fiancée
Husband/ Wife
Mother/Father
Grandmother/Father
So why is it that males are seen as sub-human. All I read on the blog is what assholesthe male species are.
As for the men slating woman... You come from a woman, and you will go to a woman(unless you are gay) who will bring your offspring into this world.
Every person out there who becomes a bitch or a dog, needed the other to become what he/she is. The one cannot exist without the other.
It’s been my experience that there is no difference in the needs of males and females .We all need to be loved, wants approval, validation and most of all ACCEPTANCE.
We all cry for the same reasons: men mostly in seclusion, woman -some publicly and some in privately.
Men are scared at times and are ashamed of showing this emotion, they will come across as Assholes just to mask their feelings, be it pain or pleasure.
Woman are no different. They will however verbalise their fears... They will bitch and moan to anyone who is willing to listen.
So why do we endorse and perpetuate the battle of the sexes? Are we so insecure in who we are?
People are just people, all have the same needs and wants.
We all hide who we truelly are from the world, we should actually get Oscars for our performances!
An asshole to one woman may be the next woman prince, and vice versa. What we should ask ourselves is
" Who and what am I to others"?
We should recognize the difference in behavior of the person and not the gender.
Before you are anything, you are a person...
Life starts out as:
Baby girl/boy!
Daughter/ Son
Girlfriend/ Boyfriend
Fiancée
Husband/ Wife
Mother/Father
Grandmother/Father
So why is it that males are seen as sub-human. All I read on the blog is what assholesthe male species are.
As for the men slating woman... You come from a woman, and you will go to a woman(unless you are gay) who will bring your offspring into this world.
Every person out there who becomes a bitch or a dog, needed the other to become what he/she is. The one cannot exist without the other.
It’s been my experience that there is no difference in the needs of males and females .We all need to be loved, wants approval, validation and most of all ACCEPTANCE.
We all cry for the same reasons: men mostly in seclusion, woman -some publicly and some in privately.
Men are scared at times and are ashamed of showing this emotion, they will come across as Assholes just to mask their feelings, be it pain or pleasure.
Woman are no different. They will however verbalise their fears... They will bitch and moan to anyone who is willing to listen.
So why do we endorse and perpetuate the battle of the sexes? Are we so insecure in who we are?
People are just people, all have the same needs and wants.
We all hide who we truelly are from the world, we should actually get Oscars for our performances!
An asshole to one woman may be the next woman prince, and vice versa. What we should ask ourselves is
" Who and what am I to others"?
We should recognize the difference in behavior of the person and not the gender.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Destiny- Cruel or Kind?
I like myself! or maybe I'm just settling because I'm too lazy to change.
Who I have become was definately not what I dreamt of walking to and from school.
Does experience shape who we are? or do we just grow into who we are suppose to be?
"Can you change your stars?" like in the movie "A Knight’s Tale"
Let me elaborate...
Dream: Get married at the age of 27
Reality: Got married at 17
Dream: Become a doctor since the age of 7 to 16, later changed to a nurse. Never happened.
Reality: Had a boyfriend who became my husband -Working in the medical insurance industry, auditing medical accounts.
Dream: I wanted to be independent, do what I like when I liked
Reality: Got divorced. Forced into independence, doing just that.
etc....
So how much of my destiny is in my hands and how does my destiny affects those around me?
Who I have become was definately not what I dreamt of walking to and from school.
Does experience shape who we are? or do we just grow into who we are suppose to be?
"Can you change your stars?" like in the movie "A Knight’s Tale"
Let me elaborate...
Dream: Get married at the age of 27
Reality: Got married at 17
Dream: Become a doctor since the age of 7 to 16, later changed to a nurse. Never happened.
Reality: Had a boyfriend who became my husband -Working in the medical insurance industry, auditing medical accounts.
Dream: I wanted to be independent, do what I like when I liked
Reality: Got divorced. Forced into independence, doing just that.
etc....
So how much of my destiny is in my hands and how does my destiny affects those around me?
Friday, November 28, 2008
Carefree
How I miss those days!
When I was free and I didnt have a care in the world!
When my parents were responsible for my needs and sometimes my wants.
Back then all I wanted was my own apartment, a nice car and lots of money.
How simple life was back then.
I now have what I wanted... except the money... I should have been more specific when it came to the money. I have enough to live on...I should have said 10x what I need.
Ahh those carefree days... when everything was free and I didnt care.
Way back then, I didnt realise it.
When I was free and I didnt have a care in the world!
When my parents were responsible for my needs and sometimes my wants.
Back then all I wanted was my own apartment, a nice car and lots of money.
How simple life was back then.
I now have what I wanted... except the money... I should have been more specific when it came to the money. I have enough to live on...I should have said 10x what I need.
Ahh those carefree days... when everything was free and I didnt care.
Way back then, I didnt realise it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Where to from here?
It feels like I'm Stuck....
I will have to write about where I've come from, where I've been ....
to be able to find my way forward.
Not now... I dont have the luxury of time...
I will have to write about where I've come from, where I've been ....
to be able to find my way forward.
Not now... I dont have the luxury of time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
